The Story of "C"

This morning I realized that I have been procrastinating with telling this story.  I reflected on why and discovered that it is because of fear.  I don't view this as "my" story and I am afraid that my chosen words won't paint the right picture.  In telling this story, I am also taking a huge risk.  Since the very beginning, I know God has been speaking to me about this particular person and it is very risky to open up about this to others.  However, I know God is nudging me to share the story because of the urgency I now feel to do so.  I look at this as my own documentation of our journey that we will someday be able to share with our boys. 

I first saw the picture of "C" and read his short bio last April.  My dream of adoption had been "re-awakened" inside of me and I'd been praying for a few months for God to give me clarity of whether or not this is what I was supposed to do.  I had my answer.  However, Tim was still 100% against the idea.  The moment I saw "C", something inside of me just knew.  I don't think it was a concious knowing...but looking back now....I always knew.  He would be the one.  I couldn't get him out of my head....or my heart.  At the end of May we attended an adoption conference in Grand Rapids.  Tim agreed to go, but was still against the idea.  "C"'s picture was one of many featured on a huge display.  Again...a pang in my chest....like a "knowing".  I started praying for "C" and for Tim to have a change of heart.  I knew that God was going to have to work some miracles here. 

On June 28, it was posted that "C" was matched with an adoptive family.  My feelings were disbelief and confusion.  I didn't understand because I had been so certain that God was speaking to me about this young man and that he was meant to be with our family.  I was so sure.  When I saw that he was matched, I didn't believe it.  My heart told me that it wasn't real and that it wouldn't happen.  I told God "Ok, if he is with a good family, I accept it and I will be happy for him.  However, if this is NOT the right family for him God, please bring him to us."  I told God that if "C" ever went back up on the listing again, that I would KNOW for sure that  he was meant to be with our family.  I continued to pray for "C" every day....for his happiness.  Tim and I continued to "discuss" adoption quite frequently and I prayed and prayed for a change of heart with him. 

I stopped looking on the photolisting site for awhile and was just waiting on God.  I decided that I would stop trying to force things and have faith that He would work things out in His timing and in His way (common theme that God is working on with me!!!).  When I finally had some peace with waiting, we just arrived home from a camping trip mid-August and I felt a strong urge to look on the photolisting site.  I looked on there and couldn't believe that "C" was listed again.  He was once again available for adoption!!!  I have never seen a kid get posted back on after being taken off.  It was my miracle.  God spoke to me in that instant and I knew that "C" was meant to be with us and that I would NEVER give up fighting for him.  Until this point, Tim knew nothing of him, so I shared the story.  Tim still was not on board with adoption, but he was softening.  About a month later, Tim said he would do it.  He knows how much it means to me, knows that it is what God is asking us to do together, and knows it is the right thing to do.  He is doing it out of love (and now is even excited about it!!)

When going through the adoption classes and training, one of our workers made contacts for us with "C"'s adoption worker.  It took a long time for her to get back with us, but the news was devastating.  She told us that "C" has just changed his goal from adoption to APPLA, which is Another Planned Permanent Living Arrangement. He is 16 and he has pretty much given up on the hope of a family and just wants to withdraw within himself and "age out of the system" without a permanent family.  This news was crushing to me and I had to make a choice.  I could simply accept this or fight.  I fought.  I told our worker that we couldn't accept this....he deserved a mom and a dad.  No child should age out of the foster system without a permanent family!  If this happens, their chances of having a successful future are extremely slim.  She was amazing and she kept being extremely persistent with his worker.  She wouldn't stop contacting her until she heard back.  She is a blessing!! 

After a LOT of waiting....where it stands now is that as soon as our homestudy is completed (we are just waiting on edits!) we will send it to "C"'s worker.  They will determine if we would be a good match for him.  If they think we might be a good match for him, we will get a lot more information on him.  If we still want to pursue him, they will go over our family info with "C" and the judge could possibly consider placing him with us under the SIL (supervised independent living) program or long-term foster care.  If  he changes his mind later about adoption and wanted to be adopted, we could pursue that after he turns 18.  

That's the story of "C".  We are waiting for our  home study to be edited so we can send it to his worker.  It is completed.  All the visits are done...all the legal stuff is done.  The door has been slammed shut so many times, but I've had faith through the whole journey.  I still believe with all my heart that God wants "C" to be a part of our family.  I feel like I can't get to him fast enough.  It is breaking my heart that I've wanted him for 9 months....and he doesn't even know it.  He doesn't even know that there is a family here that has been  praying for him every day.  There are 2 girls that want to be his sister.  He has a bedroom ready.....  I am still BELIEVING that God will bring him to us.