Waiting....and more waiting. It seems like we hurry up....and then wait. Patience is not one of my strengths. It never has been. However, I must say I've been getting very good at it lately. I believe it is just one of the many traits that God has been strengthening in my character over the past 9 months.
God gave me the dream/vision of adoption about 7-8 years ago. I let that dream go once and when you let your dream die, I believe a part of you dies too. It was when I realized this...and knew that my dream was never going to go away that I knew I had to make a choice. A choice that would not only change the direction of my life, but the direction of my family members' lives as well. It wasn't an easy road in the beginning for any of us. I traveled alone for several months....VERY alone. Looking back, I see the many reasons God had me go through this. It strengthened me in more ways than I can describe. I came out of it more determined, more sure, and more at peace with my decision than if it had been an easy road. I also know what it feels like to have no support. To be totally and completely alone and have no one that you can talk to about certain things. To have no one understand your thinking....your reasons...and to have the world against you. To hurt so bad for someone else....complete strangers....that it feels like your heart is being ripped out and feel completely helpless to do anything. Alone. Although I will never feel the lonliness and helplessness that these kids have felt, I believe God gave me just a small glimpse.
I do not give up on things I care about. I care about these kids deeply. It is hard for many to understand. It is often hard for me to understand. All I know is that it is something God placed inside of me. I have a job to do for Him and I intend to get it done....and to do it to the best of my ability with His strength and guidance carrying me the entire journey.
I know He has been molding me into the person He wants and needs me to be to accomplish His will. He's been teaching me to be patient. Things will not always happen in the time I think they should. This has only increased my faith. I know that he is the author of this story. For a long time, I kept trying to take the "pen out of his hand" and write it myself. I had to learn that it is His story, not mine. It will all happen in His perfect timing.
I believe Faith is one of my spiritual gifts, however, I have never encountered faith on a level as I am now. He has made me trust Him over and over when things have looked absolutely hopeless. Every time He has come through (in His time) and been faithful. God has slowly built up a team around me. A team that believes in me and in my vision. My wonderful husband is extremely supportive and will be my rock and teammate in this journey. My amazing girls are so excited and have wanted to do this ever since we told them. They have huge hearts and cannot wait to share their home and love of their family with children who do not have either. We are surrounded by family and friends who are praying for us and supporting us throughout everything. Co-workers have been wonderful and supportive. This is what faith can do! Even now, when it looks almost hopeless with one of the boys we've been pursuing....I still have faith that God will be faithful. He's already opened the door a crack! I refuse to give up on him!
My next post will include more specific details regarding the 2 boys and where we are at with our homestudy, etc. I just learned today that we now need to wait until next week to be able to send out our information to the boys....but I have to have faith that there is a reason in all this WAITING. God knows what He is doing and why. I don't have to understand it all....I just have to have patience and BELIEVE.
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